Action For Autism

Happy Christmas

On Wednesday my son, Matthew drove my wife and I into the Lake District. We were going to buy him his Christmas present, a specialist mountain jacket. He is a keen walker and conservation volunteer. He also has a foundation degree in countryside management and is seeking a career with the National Trust or a similar organization dedicated to preserving the countryside and making it accessible to the public.

There is nothing remarkable about that except that my son is autistic. As a young child he was non-verbal. He had disordered sleep and tantrums. From the day he began school he had a statement of special educational needs. But that made little difference to an unresponsive school system where the onus was on him to improve his behaviour rather than on them to provide the necessary adjustments and accommodations he needed to succeed. If primary school was a struggle then secondary education was a total disaster. Consequently he left school with no qualifications and very little sense of self worth.

It was not all bad news. Some remarkable people have helped along the way. He had a gifted speech and language teacher who helped him to talk. There was a very perceptive teaching assistant who gave him continuity through nursery and primary school. She was the first to recognize his autism when he was 10. This was taken up by a school medical officer who offered valuable family support. Then there was the Connexions advisor who really tried to connect with Matthew and found a mainstream college that was able to meet his needs. The continuity he lost when he left primary school was eventually restored by a clinical psychologist who was there for the whole family when we needed him and has continued to provide my son with advice and support.

Dee, my wife of thirty years has been a refuge and a constant source of strength. When I crumbled she kept the family going. She has loved and cared for all of us. She has battled for us and even with us when it was necessary. Dee was the one who helped my son discover the conservation work that sustained him during dark times past and helped to shape his future.

And Katie, our daughter, who hid her own suffering and hardship and has ever remained true to a family that sometimes forgot her needs because she was not autistic. She was autistic by proxy. But there was no proxy for the bullying and social isolation her oh so normal peers with their much vaunted empathy and theory of mind imposed on her because she was her brother’s sister. Despite it all she has grown up to be a caring person who really ought to put herself first once in a while. She must have missed out on the selfish gene.

And the most remarkable person of all, Matthew, whose courage and determination made all our efforts worthwhile. He drove us to Ambleside on Wednesday and on the way we shared this precious moment. I cannot share the moment but I offer you the view. Happy Christmas everybody.

December 25th, 2009 Posted by Mike | Family | 6 comments